i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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