I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize