My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
