If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
