There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
