i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
