I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
