OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
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She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
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She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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