I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
