the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
