Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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