the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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