i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
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He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
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I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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