I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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