I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
