Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
