Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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