do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
