Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Oh god it's open bar.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
