Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
