my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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