As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
