I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
