So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
