my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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