You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
