They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I need moral support for this bender
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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