glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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