The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
