wat bout pragnant strippers??
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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