Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
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