What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
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Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
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Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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