i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
