question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
