Is it normal to miss your booty call?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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