He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
