Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
