the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
