My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
