Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
