stop calling my apartment porn island.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
