dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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