She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
