all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
