you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
