She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
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I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
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"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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