I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
