Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You've changed since you got that strap on
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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