We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
