I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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