just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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