A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
if only i could text you this smell
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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