Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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