it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Of course I have a pirate flag
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
