If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
