insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Holy shit dude........stairs
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
