fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
