I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
