I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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