My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
