if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This is classic penis vs brain.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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