How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
