Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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