i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
