Pappa wants mamma naked
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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