hell yes lets make some ravioli
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
