I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
