this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Are we still banned from the library?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
