she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Success! We fucked roommates!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
