moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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