I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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