Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
