After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
