ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I didn't notice because vodka
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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