You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I can't turn off my feet"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
soo... how was my night?
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