which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
