Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
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If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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